Posts from — January 2010

Hi,

I have been in PA for almost a week.  Normally it goes pretty fast up here but this has been a very long week in which very little has gotten done.  A gal I went to high school with but knew very little – she has reached out to me on several occassions and called the house tonight.  She said it is so hard to concentrate on anything else when you are doing the estate work. She is so correct on that and yet I worry so much about my business and how little work I have and how few people answer my emails.  I am also scared that they people that I do have in my life that I am going to wear them down. Bottom line I need to start going easier on myself and have the confidence that it is going to be ok.  I have learned a lot since I have started working on the estate – that all of this is indeed a journey. No other way around. Starting with Emily handing me dad’s ring on the day we flew to PA and her sweetly telling me that she found it.  I also wrote Carol’s family a letter today expressing my disappointment in them as well as my sorrow for how things turned out.  I can now walk away knowing that dad is ok with all of this on some level.  I have also learned always keep an insurance policy even if it is only $50,000 because you need bridge money.  The most important things I have learned is no matter how much you think you know someone you don’t. You never really know someone until you go through their things.  Plus I keep finding these sweet letters that dad and mom have written through their lives.  Mom is still funnier than ever – she is so funny and dad you can feel his need for wanting to raise a happy healthy family.  Uge wrote so many incredible letters to his parents and it was great fun to read about his love for his parents.

I have spent too much time thus far going through all these letters. It has been a treat to spend this time with mom and dad that none of the other kids will ever get to experience.  I sit in the chair in the living room and envision dad sitting there and talking with him.  I don’t think he is to happy about how things ended with Carol.  Pam and Holly both told me not to worry about it because he lightly told the both of them that he knew something like this would happen. Carol definitely has an evil side to even have him go there.

Taking on this task is very overwhelming and I can see how someone gets bitter with having to go through this job while everyone else goes about their lives. Bruce can’t stand the idea of being involved and putting himself out. Steve has gone radio silent and Lois is coming up to help clean out the house this weekend. I have had a million people ask me why I am not taking over the house and I tell them because it is time for a new family to come make their own memories.

Jan 21, 2010

I have learned that this journey is a very intimate one when going through someone’s things are the subject matter.  Every day is a new adventure of what “hidden” morsel one will find.  And it comes in the simplest form of a letter of a card – definitely not financial.  I looked up this old typewritter on line last night and saw that this company manufactured them in Kittanning, they invented front type keys of a typewriter and this was important because now individual keys could be changed and not the entire alphabet.  The typewriter is wroth $250.00 but I won’t sell it especially since it originated in Kittanning. 

The last couple of weeks have been a real adventure.  I found Skippy’s phone number and had to call and talk to him. I was pissed at dad for purposely or he must have totally forgotten that he had his phone number. He had it there no problem.  I think out of everyone in the group dad was the least closest to Skippy. His best friend was definitely Itchy and then Bobby and then Skippy even though he did work for Skippy’s company later in life.  I am going to see if Skippy can help me locate Itchy’s family because I would like for them to have pictures of Itchy if they don’t have any.  I think dad would like this very much.

Tonight I am going to have dinner with Carole Murphy.  She is anxious to see me and oddly enough I her. Dad would want me to connect with her since Carol wouldn’t allow it. I am having to schlep down to Oakmont which I really don’t want to do late at night when I am so tired  but it is what it is.  Russ John and I are also moving the office back up stairs so the office will be back in its place.  I will feel better about working upstairs. I am not comfortable working downstairs.  Then I can get the house back in shape.

Found yesterday in a bin downtairs – tons of pictures that were put in baggies that dad had written the dates on them.  I don’t know when he started working on that project. There are definitely a couple hundred pictures that he has taken through the years. It is all very organized. I have started going through it. In there was a bag of cards that he saved that he and mom wrote back and forth to one another.  He really had a sentimental side to him by saving these letters.  I think for the most part I have opened every box there was to open and have gone through the majority of it. I now have a better understanding of where I get my love of photography at – as well as Steve.

Jan 24 – Sunday

Yesterday was a busy day – Pam’s boyfriend came over and bought the refridge in the garage. This is something that all 4 of us bought dad a couple of years ago for Hanuakah.  I only sold it for $100.00 I should have upped it to $150.00 as it is fairly new but that is ok, Pam has been invaluable to me.  She starts school in about month and after that none of us are ever going to see her as she goes from work to school for about 2 years straight. Plus she will make a lot of her school friends…I hope I don’t loose her friendship.  She might even be able to study a bit at the bank during her lunch break.  It is going to be a hectic 2 years for her balancing everything and she has to work on Saturday but if and when it is something that is in your heart you hve a way of blowing right through it.

Yesterday was a bit busy my friend Jane came down from Erie to visit over night. It was good seeing her but she has gotten a bit goofy through the years that is for sure.  Still a sweet kind person. Both of her parents have died as well so we definitely have that in common still – with the exception that are millions of dollars in between.  It was good seeing her.  She left at 12 noon and then they refridge went and then Brian Muir came over to get the Sony tv set that was in the bedroom.  They desparately needed a new TV for their living room and this one is perfect in size.  Brian said it fits well and works very good. I think they are going to be very happy with it.  Then the cable guy came and took the DVR boxes which is going to lower our cable bill by about $30.00 a month which is a good thing. I should take it down to basic cable but there are TV shows that I like to watch on the expanded although I might talk to Pam about taking it down as that would save us even more money.  I am thinking about eventually shutting off the house phone too. The only people who call are the flying guys and that would be an additiaonl $30.00 amonth on bills.  L

Last night I went out to dinner with Kenny and Brenda.  Since they are both single and very nice people I thought it would be nice if they met. Kenny’s divorace was just finalized and so he wanted to take us out to celebrate.  We had a good time – Kenny talked about his X a bit and I told him to stop because no one wants to hear about it. Brenda agreed and he just laughed and thanked me for the advise.  We went to Red Lobster which is always decent. After that I came home and went downtown to the Marinier to have drinks with Brenda and a couple of her girlfriends. They are all nice and it is a pleasure to hang out with them.

Sunday I got up  – feeling very tired. I started in dad’s bedroom packing the top of the dressers – I have to tell you his books seemed to multiply like rabbits. I have given away about 14 crate fulls and there are still another 10 easily and then they will be given all away.  I filled a couple of boxes and cleaned out drawers in the bedroom. I haven’t even begun to start on his clothes. Not because that makes me sad but I am not ready to tackle that project it isn’t a priority.  I also packed some boxes in the kitchen and wen into the basement to work on a particular corner that needed cleaning. It was there that I found in a bin that was all waterdamaged when the basement flooded  a bunch of papers. Normally you would look at the top and just throw them out. I decided to go digging through each folder just to see what there was to see. I am glad that I did.  Dad had a bunch of past tax folders there but towards the bottom he had some morsels of finds. One had stamps that was pretty much trashed; then I found a folder that his divorace information from Sarah, then one that had papers from Marion and George and last a big folder that had a bunch of clippings from all of us. It was so sweet and in there was a poem that grandpa Bennie wrote 2 weeks after grandma died.

Here is the poem.

Eulogy
From time in the twenties
to this  recent date,
Cindy’s in love
with Bennie her mate.

With aid of nutrition
diet with YITE
she made life a pleasure
home a delight

Bennie in turn
to show his regard
has always loved Cindy
in mind and in heart

And life could be wholesome
were fate less unkind
more generous in goodness
and leftt illness behind

But be this as it may
tis not our to ask why!
for the power up above
having plan all His own
has called in my Cindy
and left us alone.

Was on the panel at Plan Your Meetings industry day today. Discussed trends for the upcoming year and areas of the banqueting industry that is of concern.

Kevin Johnston talked about hotel contracts and to really address clauses that discuss renovation, change in management where the property isn’t of the same caliber and of course attrition. I added to the conversation by saying in a hotel contract that I negotiated I actually put in the attrition clause the fixed cost of that room. So attrition would be our negotiated rate MINUS FIXED COSTS = attrition. Hotels will do that you just have to ask for it.

Here is my montly morsel for Jan 2010 – I thought I would start the year off by writing about what it is like to plan a funeral from an event planners prospective.

Claire

Throughout the years with this column, I have written about weddings, all types of corporate parties and given tips about entertaining in the home. This month, I am going to discuss something that no one is ever really prepared for and which I’ve never seen any event professional discuss: a funeral.

On Dec. 19, 2009, my beloved father, who really was a rock in my life, died of pancreatic cancer. He had been doing very well. Then, out of the blue, his health took a sharp nosedive. It is at this point that I’d like to ask you to envision yourselves in this situation and put on your event planning hat. That is exactly what I had to do when I arrived at his house the day before he died. After sitting with dad for a bit, I had to go straight to the funeral home to plan his funeral with no instructions.

Let’s face it, on some level my father was my client. It was my job to plan this event — for lack of a better word — that would be his last statement to the world. It was my responsibility to do for him what I do for all my other clients — give him my best effort and make sure it would be perfect, even though I only had 48 hours to put it together. My responsibilities included going to the funeral home to pick out a casket, creating timelines of visitation and service, designing a service, writing an obituary, writing a eulogy, meeting with the rabbi, designing food menus, organizing shiva (as we are Jewish), picking out pictures for the viewing room at the funeral home, meeting with the lawyer, calling his close friends and working with my immediate family to keep everyone glued together.

The information that I had to work with were those things I cherished about him: Dr. Gould lived in a small town for over 50 years and was a well known eye doctor; and he loved flying radio-controlled model airplanes, sailing, his golden retriever Allie and being an overall good guy to his friends.

So what would be my advice to planners in the same position? First of all, hire a reputable funeral home, as they are very good at gently guiding you through the process and giving recommendations. (Jack Bauer lovingly and professionally kept us on task the entire process.) Next, I recommend you really think about the person and how can you design the funeral home space to give friends and family a sense of what he or she was all about. Because my father flew radio-controlled model airplanes, we brought an airplane to the funeral home. I picked out three pictures of dad to reproduce and put the copies on a bulletin board for people to take home with them. We put thoughtful groupings of pictures throughout the space, showing dad with family and friends in a variety of scenarios. Being the foodie that I am and knowing my father’s love of dark chocolate, we had a candy dish at sign-in.

Lastly, I can’t impress upon you enough the importance of communicating with the family. I jokingly did a daily 5 p.m. staff meeting for all of us to sit together and talk through issues, make group decisions and, most importantly, be together and put everyone on the same page regarding our next steps.

Let’s talk food for a moment, specifically the food we had at the house afterwards. Many times friends, family and churches do the planning for the culinary with little guidance from the family. I recommend, if you can, to reconsider this. In our case, my father loved to eat. (The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!) I wanted the food to express his tastes, so the theme was his favorite foods. We communicated this at the service, asking people to come wearing their “eating” clothes so they could enjoy a variety of dad’s favorite foods. Should any of you ever go this route, don’t be shy about having a wide and interesting sampling of foods, even if it looks like a hodge-podge. I had Subway make a three-footer of his favorite sandwich and ended it by handing everyone a dark chocolate Klondike bar. By continuing to make the day about my father, it allowed people to stay emotionally connected and in the spirit of being with him.

As I wrap up this morsel, I do want to note the reason why I shared this very personal experience with you. Unfortunately, we will all have to face this situation at some point in time. I hope by putting myself out there and sharing my experience, I can give someone reading this some helpful guidance and useful recommendations for when he/she find themselves in the same situation.

Remember, this will be the one type of event where there is no “wrong.” Stay focused on the positive aspects of the person you are remembering to highlight their goodness and what you do will always be right.

This is my story for now and I will be sticking to it. Let the cleaning of the house officially begin

January’s Monthly Morsel

Throughout the years with this column, I have written about weddings, all types of corporate parties and given tips about entertaining in the home. This month, I am going to discuss something that no one is ever really prepared for and which I’ve never seen any event professional discuss: a funeral….

Read Full Article »

As we ring in 2010  – I have to be reminded of all that I am grateful in 2009.  Definitely my clients that sent business my way in this ugly economy. I was pleased to say that it was enough money to keep my head above water and for that I am so grateful.  Then I got to spend a lot of time with daddy this year before he passed on the 19 of December.  I do miss him already and realize being the head of the estate is a lot of job responsibility that one can never be prepared for.  I have a long long road ahead of me.  Then of course my amazing friends in Western, PA.  there isn’t anything they wouldn’t do for you.  I am so blessed with great people.

My father passed away 2 weeks ago today at 6:15 pm.  He was at home with family around him. Dad loved life and wasn’t happy at all that G-d pegged him to join him in heaven.  It was a snowy day in Western, PA.  Here are some pictures I took outside the house that afternoon.

Dec 19, 2009 at 4:00 pm outside my home

Dad's house Dec. 19, 2009 the snowy yard

Snowy road in front of my fathers house

Last night went to 2 parties for New Year’s Eve.  Both were a bit on the mellow side but I certainly enjoyed myself at both as it is a great opportunity to see your friends.  I stayed last night with going to my friend Ed’s house.  He has a cute home that I truly adore in downtown Kittanning. I am assuming it was built in the 50′s and even in 2010 it still pulls off the 50′s enhancements very well.  I realy like it.  Then I went to my BFF’s house Brenda and she had her annual party. People seem a little low key but we still enjoyed seeing one another.

Jan 1, 2010 at 8:00 am you can see every year the Kittanning Polar Bear Club taking a dip in the Allegheny River all in the spirit of stopping cancer.  I never went down to this but this year I thought with dad just passing of cancer I would go down and enjoy the festivities – as a by stander not as a participant.  The whole activity takes 10 minutes.  The one thing they do right before everyone jumps into the water is the local priest says a prayer to all of those that have died of cancer and to those who have it may they recover.  It is very heartfelt and quite pretty.  Just what you would expect from a small town community.

Enjoy the pictures from the 2010 Polar Bear Club Dip

2010 Polar Bear Dip in Kittanning - Safety First

This lady serves as the marker of how far people have to run into the river

Crowds starting to gather

My friend Janine and her daughter's boyfriend Adam - it is his 2nd year going in.

More crowds gather getting ready

View across the river

This is a group of people hanging out prior to taking their swim. The girl in the swimsuite with BLACK HIGH HEELS..get's The Claire R. Gould Fabulous award!

This to me was also fabulous

Prayer before taking the running leap into the water the tall guy is Adam

Cold Cold Cold

People who can't get out fast enough

The last 3 out of the water wondering what all the hubbubb is about

Well folks as I am starting the first day of the new year – sadly missing my father, insecure of the large job ahead of me of exectrix of the estate – but my friends can call me Trixie – will surely need the help of her amazing friends.

This is my story for now – and i will be sticking to it.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Claire